One Choice Can Change Everything
by BeatriceEaton46
Summary: Tris thought the choice was simple. Save everyone, make the ultimate Abnegation sacrifice. But, what if the choice wasn't that easy. Tris survives. Major themes of depression and PTSD. Veronica Roth owns Divergent. Alternate ending to Allegiant
1. Should I Stay?

TRIS POV

(Right before weapons lab scene)

I can't do this to my brother. I could never walk him to his own execution. My mind thinks back to my parents, they would be so disappointed in me. I think back to Erudite.

Erudite.

Caleb.

Tobias saying "You die, I die too".

I cannot leave Tobias. Yes, I'm being selfish, but he would be devastated.

"Goodbye, Caleb" , I say with tears in my eyes, "You are a better abnegation then I can ever be."

"I love you to Tris, don't forget to stay true to yourself" Caleb says.

And as I watch him walk into the weapons lab. I cannot take it.

I run.

TOBIAS POV

I come back to the Bureau after giving the memory serum to Peter. I see Cara looking down with tears flowing from her celery green eyes.

Oh no.

What happened?

Is Tris okay?

I walk up to her.

"Caleb successfully set off the memory serum. He shot and killed David in the process" Cara says with a hint of grief in her voice.

I laugh at the thought of Caleb shooting a gun.

"There is one thing I have to tell you- It is about Tris"

My heart sinks to my stomach. I knew I should've stayed here with her.

"No, Four, it's nothing like that. No one can find Tris. She ran away after Caleb went into the room"

All I can think is "Oh No"

Thanks for reading! This is my first story ever, but I have been reading FanFiction for 6 years. I kept looking for a story that really gets into aspects of post war trauma. Don't worry, this isn't a "Tris gets kidnapped and tested on again" story. Four finds her in the next couple chapters! Please review!


	2. Running Away

TRIS POV

I run.

I run because I cannot take it anymore.

I run until my legs become jelly.

My lungs are on fire.

But, I can't stop.

To many thoughts racing in my mind. I need to outrun these thoughts.

I think of everything that led me to this moment of running from my brothers execution. Initiation. When all my problems was just trying to rank. The serums. Oh so many serums. Jeanine. Erudite.

I see Erudite's headquarters in the distance.

And all of a sudden I am back there.

Testing... Serums... White walls...

I see my room. Four square walls. A camera. A mattress. I'm so tired, but I cannot sleep. Not until I escape this place. Tobias is probably worried sick. Where is he? Is he dead? That thought makes me claw at my throat and arms. I see blood under my nails from the scratches.

My door opens. It's Eric.

"Tris! Tris!" He says.

Why is he yelling at me?

I get up and lunge at him.

"Tris it's me! Stop" Eric says.

But, I can't stop it feels like I'm drowning. I have to kill Eric.

"TRIS!" Eric says. "It's me Tobias" .

I finally look into his eyes and instead of seeing Eric's cold hard eyes, I see an ocean. A deep blue ocean...

"Tobias" I sob. I sob until I can't cry anymore.

"Tris are you okay? What happened?" Tobias says. You can hear the concern and confusion laced in his tone.

"I don't know." My voice cracks. "I was back in Erudite. Eric was there. He-he tried to take me back to testing." This brings back a whole new set of sobs. "It all felt so real" I say.

"It's not real, you're safe" Tobias says. "The war is finally over. We are done."

It's then I look up. Tobias has scratches all over his face.

"Oh my god" I say. "I hurt you, I'm so sorry I thought you were Eric, I'm an awful person."

"Tris. I am fine" he says. "It was just a flashback. You've been though so much. It's no wonder you are still here. You are not awful, you are brave, selfless and super smart. We will heal each other together. "

Together. I smile. I am his. He is mine. And it's been that way all along.

Page Break!

Tobias told me what happened in the city with Marcus and Evelyn. I understand why he did what he did. I just hope they leave us alone for a while.

We are now walking to the Bureau to unplug Uriah. This place holds so many memories. Mostly bad, but a few good.

I cannot wait to leave this place and start a new life with my friends. With Tobias, Zeke, Christina, Cara, and Shauna.

I go into Uriah's room alone. I need to say goodbye by myself.

"Hey, Uri" I say. "It's going to be really lonely around here. I'm going to miss you so much. I know you get to see Marlene, Will, Caleb and My parents. Tell all of them I am s-sorry" I sob. "I killed them all, Uriah. If only I had been more brave or more selfless, none of this would've happened." I hold Uriah's hand and cry hoping he will wake up and give me a goofy grin.

I squeeze his hand.

Trying to squeeze any life I can into him.

I think about ziplining and shooting a muffin off Marlene's head.

What will I do without him?

Uriah is one of my best friends.

I am practically smashing his hand.

I cry.

I hope.

I pray.

Just open your eyes, Uri.

...

But, he doesn't wake up.

After what seems like hours, his heart line turns into a flat line. I hug Zeke and Hana and say our goodbyes.

Tobias and I go back to his apartment in dauntless. It's just how we left it 6 months ago.

Zeke and Shauna live a cross from us. With Christina and Hana on either side of them.

I cannot believe that this is where this year would take me.

I feel numb and hollow inside.

I am so exhausted after the events of today.

I lay curled next to Tobias.

"I love you" I say.

"I love you more" He replies groggily.

I go into a dark sleep.


	3. Nightmares and Cara's Visit

Tris POV

1 Week Later

 _I am in my Abnegation home. I am wearing my gray robes. I here screaming from downstairs._

 _I go investigate. It's my family._

 _Mom_

 _Dad_

 _Caleb_

 _and_

 _Tobias._

 _"Guys, what are you all doing here" I cannot believe my eyes._

 _"You are dead."_

 _"YOU KILLED US ALL" they all chant in unison. They start throwing insults. "Slut, murderer, ugly, selfish, stiff..."_

 _"STOP!" I yell. I am sobbing. "Why would they call me those things?"_

 _Tobias pulls out a gun. He puts it on his temple._

 _"Tobias" I shout._

 _I cannot breathe._

I wake up with a scream. Tobias is holding me. I push him off. Why would he say those things to me? Reality and dreams are blurring. My brain feels like mush.

"Tris" he says, "it wasn't real, we are in dauntless, safe."

"Safe?" I stutter.

He nods. I collapse into his arms sobbing. My mind becomes clearer.

"I am sorry, I am so messed up, and stupid and s-"

He cuts me off. "Tris, you have been through so much, you have battled your way out of every situation life has thrown at you. You are smart, brave, beautiful and the only reason I am here today. I don't know what I would do without you Tris. I will be with you through everything. Now sleep, I will fight off bad dreams if they come."

"With what?" I sleepily smile.

I fall asleep before hearing the answer,

but I know what the answer is.

 **MY PAGE BROKE! :O**

TOBIAS POV

I watch Tris as she falls asleep. I look at the clock 6:46 am. I am not going to be able to fall asleep. I get up to stretch and hear a knock at the door.

It is Cara.

She moved in next door to us a couple days ago.

"What's up, Cara?" I say.

"I heard screaming, is everything okay?" She asks with worry etched on her face.

"Yeah, Tris just had another nightmare, she's okay now." I say.

"I heard she's been having a bunch of nightmares and flashbacks, Four." she whispers. "Has she had any unusual bursts of anger? Or has acted violent?"

I think back to yesterday when the cafe had run out of ketchup. She got so angry and threw away her fries and stormed out. I just figured she was tired.

"I mean, yeah, some, but she has been through a lot Cara." I say, defending Tris.

"I am just worried, that she may have a mental condition called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. If not treated it can lead not sleeping or eating or even suicidal actions. I have a therapist friend. I am sure she would not mind talking to Tris. Just, consider it. I am looking out for her too." Cara says.

"Okay, I will talk to Tris." I say and go back to bed. I look at Tris. She looks so peaceful and young. I sometimes forget that she is only 17. I think about the conversation with Cara. I know Tris will not want to go to the therapist. She is to stubborn for that. But, if I have my way about it, she is going to go. I cannot lose her.

TRIS POV

"YOU WANT ME TO GO SEE A WHAT?" I yell. "I do not want to go talk to someone about my "feelings", I am a big girl! I do not need to go talk to someone and spill all of my secrets."

"Tris, just take a deep breath," Tobias says. "I just think it would be good for you. You haven't got much sleep. You keep having flashbacks and during these flashbacks, his voice cracks, you hurt yourself and your sobbing and screaming. It hurts me to see you like that. Please for me. Just one time. If you hate it and the therapist says you are fine I will believe you.

"Fine" I say.

"I love you" he says.

I look into his blue eyes.

"I love you more." I whisper.

I am not looking forward to this therapy session tomorrow, but I cannot bear to see Tobias so upset about me. I just hope that she doesn't think I am a nutcase.


	4. Why am I doing this?

TRIS POV

I hold Tobias' hand as we make our way to the therapy building.

I see it in the distance. I take a deep breath. I am so nervous. Do I really want to be here? No. But, at this moment I just want the nightmares that haunt me every second of every hour of every single f*cking day to leave. I cannot do this any more. I should have went into the weapons lab. I should have let Will shoot me. I should have let Peter shove me off the Chasm. I should have-

"Tris, we are here" Tobias whispers. Snapping me out of my numb state.

"Okay" I mumble. I start chewing on my nail beds as we walk up the stairs. Why am I so nervous? I thought I was Dauntless. I can face some dumb psychiatrist.

I walk up to the woman at the front counter. She is about 5 foot tall, looks like an Amity. Tris, stop separating people into factions. The factions are gone. You are safe. Tobias is safe. Christina is safe. Zeke is safe. Shauna is safe. There is no more war. It is peace time.

Tobias and I take our seats.

"Tris" A man calls through the door. Ms. Myers will see you now.

I walk back, they wanted Tobias to stay in the waiting room. That makes me more nervous than ever.

What are they going to do to me? Am I going to get tested on again? The thoughts race through my mind. I take a deep breath as I walk through the door. I am greeted by a woman who I assume to be Ms. Myers. She is about my height. She wears glasses and her hair is jet black. I notice a lip ring on her upper lip. Dauntless. I presume.

"Hi" She says sweetly. Almost too sweet. "I am Ms. Myers, but you can call me Dee for short. I am going to start out by saying anything you say in this room is completely confidential. Even if someone barged in here demanding answers I would not say a word. I pinky promise." She smiles. I give her a tight-lipped grin back.

"Hi, my name is Tris, though you probably already know." I say, awkwardly. Gah, why a I so weird.

"Why don't we just get down to business. Tell me, why are you here today?"

"My boyfriend, Tobias, wanted me to come. I have been having nightmares and flashbacks, but that is just because I just got out of fighting a war". I say really fast.

"Yes, the war. From what I heard you were quite the hero, Tris. Now, why don't you feel like a hero. You were very brave-"

I cut her off, "Please don't call me that" I am growing more and more agitated by the second. Where is Four? I want to leave.

"I am sorry to offend you" Ms. Myers says. "Now, Tobias mentioned some flashbacks you were having. Why don't you talk me through what is happening during these flashbacks?"

"Okay" I breathe shakily. "Well, I will see something, like Erudite or I will, like, here a word. And I am back to that moment. I can see that moment and it is like I am reliving it. I cannot snap out of it myself. I have to have Tobias to snap me out of it. It is so hard. "

"This will be hard, but can you give me an example of one of these flashbacks. I will have a nurse go get Tobias afterwards if necessary, but I promise. You are safe here, Tris."

"Okay, well I just had one yesterday" Thinking back.

 _Christina and I were out shopping. She was trying to get me into these 6 inch stilts she called heels. I called them hells. It was so fun. We were shopping. And we see a green dress. "I love it!" Christina yells. "It just reminds me of Will's eyes!" Will's eyes. I was back in the small damp alleyway in Abnegation. I see my mom's dead body. I sob. I see Will. His eyes. He doesn't have a gun this time. But, he lunges at me. Trying to strangle me. I cannot fight my best friend. "Tris! Tris!" He yells. I try to kick him. He catches my foot. I do what I only know to do. I have to get out of here. I run. And then like magic. I was back in the store. Tobias and Christina were both staring at me with worry. Everyone in that store was staring at me with looks of annoyance and pity. This was so embarrassing._

"And then Tobias took me back to the apartment. I took a nap. Flashbacks always wore me out." I am crying now. I am hyperventilating. Why did I tell her this and let myself look weak?

"Tris, you are very strong. I need you to breath. Breath in for 4 seconds. Hold it to the count of seven. Let it out slowly. Now keep doing that. I think our one-on-one session is over for today. Let's bring in Tobias and we can talk to him.

I nod.

What seems like hours later Tobias walks in, his eyes immediately find mine and it calms me instantly. He wraps me in a strong embrace. He sits next to me and holds my small hand in his strong one. What did I ever do to deserve him?

"Hi, Tobias, my name is Ms. Myers. Me and Tris were just talking about her flashbacks. I would positively say that she has depression, anxiety, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD for short. My main concern is her harming herself or others. I am going to prescribe her a anti-depressant, and anti-anxiety and a sleeping pill. It is very important you take these. I also have some breathing exercises I want you to do, just try to focus on the positives in life. I know it is hard. And I know, Tris that it feels like you are drowning and cannot breath. But, I promise. We will get you through this. Your friends, myself and Tobias. I want to see you back in 2 days. I normally would have a patient come back in a week, but Tris, you have a very severe case. It is not your fault. I just want to help you. Take care of yourself. Now, do either of you have any questions."

"Is there anything we can do to stop these flashbacks?" Tobias says.

"I will be doing indepth cognitive therapy sessions to try and give Tris some coping skills incase you are not around." She says softly. "It will just take time."

"Okay, thank you , ma'am." He says.

We grab the paperwork and prescriptions and head home.

 **1100 words! Guys, this chapter was really emotionally draining for me to write. Please review and follow. I have alot planned for this story, but am open to ideas. Stay awesome, possums.**


	5. I'm sorry

Sorry this took so long! School was rough this last semester! Enjoy and please review!

Tris POV

Tobias and I get home from the Therapy session. I head into our little kitchen to make some dinner. I feel so many different emotions running through my brain. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions and I am terrified I am going to snap.

What did the therapist mean by "harming herself or others"? Does she think I'm a monster? Does Tobias agree with her? He didn't defend me. Do I agree with her? At this point I just don't know. I start to count all the blood on my hands.

Mom.

Dad.

Al.

Uriah.

Caleb-

"Stop Tris" I tell myself.

Breath.

In. Out. In. Out.

I finish dinner up before Tobias starts suspecting something. I rarely get time alone since the Bureau. Everyone thinks I am going to crack.

I move around the kitchen making Tobias' and mine plates and I yell for him to let him know dinner is done.

"Thanks, hon" he says.

"No Problem" I reply.

We sit in an uncomfortable silence. There's so much to say, yet we say nothing. Maybe he's thinking about how much of a nutcase I am. Does he still love me? I love him more than he can ever know. Without him I wouldn't be here. I would be a broken shell of a human. Does he know that? Should I tell him? What if he rejects me-

"I'm sorry" I blurt out.

Finally making eye contact with me, his deep blue eyes are staring into me. His eyebrows are drawn in confusion.

"What are you talking about, Tris?"

"Be Brave" I think to myself. Here goes nothing. I draw in a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry I am broken. I am sorry I haven't been a good girlfriend. I'm sorry I'm so stupid and crazy. I should be helping you, you are so strong, Tobias. And I'm not. You deserve someone who doesn't have to take pills to be a functioning member of society" my voice is cracking and getting louder. "I love you more than you will ever know and I'm sorry I've been to selfish to tell you that. Without you I am just an empty shell."

I am too scared to look into his eyes. And then I feel his strong arms around me.

"Tris" he whispers "You are the bravest girl I have ever met. You are a perfect mix of all the factions. I have never seen someone as smart, selfless, kind, honest, and most of all brave. You are also breathtakingly beautiful, but beauty wasn't a faction. And I know what you are thing, I am not just saying that. I choose you, every day. I love you, my amazing Tris."

Tears prick at my eyes. He always knows how to make all my fears go away. I don't know how to respond. So, I kiss him. I kiss him until all the stress and worries fade away. I love this man, and I want to show him. We head up to bed, our dinner long forgotten.

Tobias POV

I wake up and roll over to find Tris' side of the bed cold. I look at the clock. It reads 1:02 AM. Where could she be? My mind automatically goes to the worse. I walk around this house and then I hear the worst sound my heart could think off. I hear muffled sobs.

I walk into the living room to see Tris on our leather couch crying. You can tell she's trying to keep them quiet. I immediately go next to her and place her on my lap. I run my fingers through her golden hair. Even like this, she is still so perfect.

"Tris" I whisper.

She doesn't respond "Tris" I say a little firmer.

I grab her chin and turn her head to meet my eyes.

"What is wrong" I ask.

"Nothing" she says.

"Are you sure, because most people don't cry at 1 in the morning when nothing is wrong." I say.

She smirks. "My charm always works" I think.

"It's just, I'm so tired and I can't sleep through the night. I'm exhausted, Tobias" she whispers.

I remember the bottle of sleeping pills on our bedside table.

"Tris, maybe we should try the sleeping pills" I whisper. I have no idea how she will respond.

"At this point I will try anything." She whispers, defeated.

I carry her up to bed, and get her a glass of water, and grab the bottle of pills labeled 'melatonin'. I give her one and she washes it down with a gulp of water. Then we snuggle, in a perfect, still, quiet sleep.

Guys! Thank you so much for reading! I should be able to post more now with School out! I tried to make this a lighter chapter! Please put ideas in the review! Stay awesome, possum!


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